How do they know how to do that?
Flock after flock. Some small, only a dozen or two. Some large, in the hundreds. They each flew, at varied intervals, from the lake to the field.
Canada geese fly south for the winter, which means Colorado gets bombarded with them. In the winter, it's common to hear their honking overhead as the flocks change locations. In some areas, you need to cross the street to avoid them (they can get territorial), or wait as they cross the street at an inopportune time. In the air, they’re spectacular. On the ground, they can be a big nuisance.
This particular winter day, I was walking on a trail in the open space by my house. As I approached a field along the higher part of the trail, I noticed that it was covered with geese. There were already thousands on the field, but every few minutes, another flock or two would arrive, the signature honking noise increasing.
I began to notice that the flocks were coming from the lake about a half mile away. When I got a closer look, I could see that there were still several hundred geese on the southwest side of the lake, all facing north. Pretty soon, another flock took off for the field, then another, and within a few minutes all that was left were a handful of ducks, no doubt happy to have some peace and quiet.
It was unclear to me how they knew which flock would fly when, who was in each group, or where they were going and where they should land. And yet, from an outside observer perspective, it seemed seamless. They gracefully took off and landed, aligned themselves in the classic V shape for flight.
This left me wondering…
How do they know how to do that?
Have you ever been part of a group like that? Where everyone else seems to know exactly what they’re doing and how things are supposed to work, and yet you have no clue?
Perhaps you’re joining a new team, and they seem to have a system for how to share updates, but you can’t see it.
Perhaps you’re joining your partner’s family for a holiday, but you don’t quite understand the rules around what happens when (sounds like the plot for a Hallmark Christmas movie).
Or perhaps you see someone’s success posted on social media, and wonder,
How do they know how to do that?
This holiday season, many of us will either join a group for a holiday celebration or welcome someone into our own. It’s so easy to forget that a newcomer may not understand the unspoken rules of engagement in these celebrations.
If you find yourself in this situation, here are a few things you can consider:
Share Your Assumptions
Whether you’re the host or the guest, you can proactively share assumptions you have before and during the gathering, to help validate and understand what to expect. Sometimes, it’s useful to share them in the form of a question, to help invite conversation.
Are you going to someone’s house for a celebration? Share with the host that you love baking this time of year and ask if it’s ok if you bring a pie. Inviting someone into your celebration? Share the highlights of the menu and ask if they have any food allergies to work around.Proactively Share Reasons
Sharing the history or why of a tradition not only helps a newcomer get a sense of what’s going on, they can also bring people closer together because of a shared understanding.
Notice that your partner’s family approaches a tradition differently than you do? Share a little about your family’s approach and ask how they came to honor the tradition in their way. Inviting a friend to your house for a celebration? Before they come, share the background on why your family serves two kinds of cranberry sauce, and the friendly rivalry between canned and homemade.Express Curiosity
Regardless of your role in your holiday gatherings, expressing a genuine curiosity into the traditions and expectations of those around you can give you a new appreciation for the holidays and for each other.
Notice that one of your guests seems more detached from the group than usual? Ask them how they’re doing and listen genuinely to their response. Hear about a new tradition that you’re interested in including in your own family’s celebration? Do some research to understand the history so that you can incorporate it with honor.
This holiday season, take the time to proactively share your assumptions about how things will be celebrated, share the history behind your traditions, and express curiosity about how others are approaching things.
If you do, you’re bound to learn something new, and perhaps even foster a stronger relationship with your loved ones this holiday season.
How will you know what to do this holiday season?
As you take time to reflect this holiday season, you may realize there’s an area of your life where you want support to take things to the next level.
Want some help?
Let’s talk. Book your free strategy session and let’s dig in.
How will you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
December 19, 2024
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
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