I didn’t check
Within a couple of hours, I knew it.
I knew I had been “glutened”.
I’ll spare you, dear reader, of the details.
I quickly thought back to what I had recently eaten, and realized the likely culprit was the restaurant dinner I had a few hours before. A quick google search uncovered that the restaurant had recently “improved” their menu, making a previously gluten-free salad no longer safe for someone with a gluten sensitivity.
At first I was mad at the restaurant. How dare they change their ingredients without transparency?
After a quick email sent to the restaurant to educate them on the dangers of adding a major allergen to a menu item without a way for people to know, I quickly realized something.
The person I was really mad at was myself.
I had failed to hold my own boundary. I didn’t double check that the item I was ordering was safe for me.
Has this ever happened to you?
Boundaries have been coming up a lot lately in my coaching conversations. One person is learning that there are certain conversation topics that are not healthy to engage in. Another is looking for clearer boundaries between work and personal life. Another wants to ensure they’re relied upon for the activities they’re responsible for now, not the things they did in a prior role.
How does the need to hold boundaries show up in your life?
Is it the schedule you need to keep, the relationship you need to step away from, or the unhealthy behavior you need to stop?
Or maybe it’s disrespectful behavior you will not tolerate, the idea-stealer you need to keep in check, or the team you need to hold accountable.
Sometimes we need to hold boundaries to make space for other priorities. Other times, it’s so that we don’t head into a space that isn’t good for us.
If you’re finding some boundaries harder to keep in your own life, here are three things you can consider:
Be clear with yourself
Boundaries are for you, not for other people. If we’re not clear with ourselves about what we will or will not tolerate, we can’t hold the boundaries we need.
Perhaps you’re often on your phone for work during family time. Have you identified your own rules around when you’ll stop responding to work messages? Maybe you’re finding that you make bad choices around a certain group of friends. Do you know which friends or activities are influencing you negatively?
Articulate the consequences
It’s important to be clear about what will happen when your boundary is crossed. What will you do if you don’t hold your boundary or a situation doesn’t line up with what you need?
Perhaps every work call taken after 6 PM means you have to contribute $20 to a date-night fund. Maybe you decide that you’ll leave the room if the conversation moves to a topic you know you can’t approach without anger.
Understand your thresholds
While some boundaries need to be held absolutely, it may be okay to cross them under very specific circumstances. Do you have a compliance threshold for your boundary?
Maybe you’re holding fast to a paleo diet, except for your sister-in-law’s homemade chocolate birthday cake. Perhaps you don’t travel on Sundays except for the annual retreat.
We need boundaries, often for our own physical or mental health. They can be hard to keep, but being clear with ourselves about what we will and will not allow, being clear with ourselves about the consequences of crossing our boundaries, and identifying when/if there are circumstances where a boundary can be safely crossed can help keep us on track.
What boundaries do you need to focus on keeping?
You’re here. You want to be there. I can help.Let’s talk. Book time, and we’ll figure out how to get you unstuck and get going.
How will you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
April 3, 2025
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
Book your free strategy session.
