Do others know who you’re becoming?
I took a big risk that Halloween.
I was working for a company that went all out for Halloween (and Talk Like a Pirate Day, but that’s a whole other story). The previous year, I had played it safe, dressing like a cowgirl, complete with the boots, hat, and belt buckle. It felt comfortable, safe, familiar.
But that year, the year I took a risk, I was unrecognizable.
When I walked in that day, everyone knew who I was and yet no one knew who I was. Everyone knew who I had dressed up as. And yet no one knew that it was me under the costume.
Do you ever feel that way?
Sometimes transformation is like that. We know what we’re up to, where we’re headed. But those around us don’t see it. Maybe they still see a past version, maybe they misunderstand the person we’re becoming. Maybe they get it but don’t like it.
It’s easy to let that disconnect get in our way. To keep playing our old roles, falling back into our old behaviors, living as our past selves. To see ourselves the way others see us, even when we have a new iteration of ourselves in mind.
And yet, when we can stay true to our vision, to our goals, to our truth, we can achieve great things. When we do the work, take the steps, show up in that new way, we find ourselves more aligned, more productive, more authentic.
So what’s getting in our way?
While it may be possible to achieve transformation on our own, having the support of others can make a big difference. Our friends and family can lift us up when we’re struggling, and help give us perspective when we need it. They can help us find new possibilities and ways to achieve our goals, and give us a needed reality check when our actions don’t align with our goals.
Whether our transformation goals are big or small, a major shift or a small step, having the support of key friends and family can make all the difference.
If you’re struggling with a disconnect between yourself and others in support of your transformation, here are a few things you can do:
Start with yourself
If you’re not clear with yourself about why you’re making changes, how can you expect others to understand and support you? When you’re making a change, be clear with yourself about what you’re hoping to achieve and why.
Are you going after that promotion because you want the pay increase or because responsibilities align with how you want to contribute? Are you skipping the morning coffee run because you are paying down your credit card debt or saving for a new car?
Pick your circle
Who you’re bringing into your transformation journey matters. Not everyone will be helpful or relevant in how you iterate towards the person you’re becoming. Picking those who you let in to your transformation can make a huge difference. Equally important is deciding who you’re not going to share your plans with or allow to derail your goals.
Sharing your job search plans with a trusted colleague who knows you well and can help you refine your resume and candidate-market fit positioning can be helpful, while telling the team gossip may not. Telling your partner you want to abstain from alcohol because you’re concerned about how you act when you’ve had too much might help you feel more supported, while sharing the details with an acquaintance known for being insensitive may not.
Invite your circle into your journey
When those closest to you, especially those most impacted by the changes you’re working to make, are included as partners in your journey, you can find new ways, together, to achieve the transformation you’re working so hard to create.
If you’re changing your diet, collaborating with your teenager for meal planning and cooking can help you stay on track, and perhaps even bring in a wider range of dishes that meet your nutritional goals. When you’re working on showing up in meetings with more confidence and conviction in your opinions, partnering with a trusted colleague who will offer support and share feedback may give you more courage in those meetings.
Having a circle of people who see and understand what we’re trying to achieve in our personal transformation can be invaluable - giving us the support, encouragement, and honest feedback we need to be successful. Creating that circle with intention can make all the difference.
How will you bring others into your transformation?
I love helping people achieve their transformation, big or small.
Want some help with yours?
Book your free strategy session and let’s dig in.
How will you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
October 31, 2024
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
Book your free strategy session.
