Not Just for the London Underground
I remember being a bit confused by the phrase, which seemed very unusual to me as a young American the first time I saw them during a family trip the summer after I graduated from high school. If you’ve ever visited the London Underground, you know the phrase I’m talking about, the one on signs everywhere. MIND THE GAP.
A warning to watch for the gap between the train station and the train itself, the signs were first introduced in 1968. The use of “mind” instead of “watch” is very British, and stuck with me. As I’ve gotten older, I rather like the use of the term “mind” instead of “watch”, as it evokes the idea of remembering something you already know to be aware of.
Living in Colorado, I don’t see these signs often, but I do still like the term, just in another context. So often, the root of a disconnect between people comes from someone not “minding the gap” - the gap between expectations and reality.
It might be the partner who is upset because they had dinner waiting for you, but you ran an errand without letting them know. Or the boss who told their peer your report would be available on Friday, but they didn’t know it would be late this week because you were waiting on data from a peer out on vacation. Or the friend who was hoping for a quiet evening catching up when you suggested a popular new music club.
There was a gap.
Sometimes we ignore the gap knowingly (telling ourselves it’s not that important, or it’s easier to deal with it later). But most of the time, we just plain forget there’s a gap - since we don’t always remember that the other person may hold expectations different from our own, or we know but don’t watch for how our actions impact those expectations.
Here are a few things we can keep in mind to better “mind the gap”:
Consider when the gap might come up
If you’re making a decision that impacts someone else, consider how this may or may not line up with their expectations. This doesn’t mean that you have to make a decision solely based on meeting their expectations, but it may help you identify solutions that give you both what you’re looking for. Or, if that’s not possible, it helps you know when you should consider the next tip.
Proactively share gap will exist
If you know you’re in a situation where there will be a gap between someone else’s expectations and reality, proactively letting them know can relieve a lot of tension because you can help them reset their expectations. It may be a simple thing like letting someone know you’ll be late to meet them (rather have them wait impatiently with no information). It also may be a bigger thing to work with, like sharing with your boss that the report they’re counting on for a big presentation won’t be delivered when they need. Either way, sharing in advance can help you (and them) address the situation earlier, likely reducing, if not eliminating, the tension.
Own it
When the gap happens, it can be very helpful for your relationship to fully own where and how you missed the other’s expectations. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your actions were wrong or you messed up, but acknowledging that those expectations weren’t met and the impact of that can go a long way to addressing a disconnect in your relationship.
So the next time you’re making a decision that impacts another, or when you’re experiencing a disconnect with someone, taking a bit of time to understand the difference between the other person’s expectations and reality can go a long way to improving your relationship.
How will you mind the gap?
July 11, 2024
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
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