What do you actually know?
Here’s a multiple choice question for you:
You see a car with its turn signal on. You know:
A) They just turned
B) They’re going to turn
C) They’re thinking about turning
D) They have their turn signal on
Do you know the answer?
This was the most memorable lesson I took from my Driver’s Ed class in high school.
Ok, so I probably remember more than that (I do successfully drive a car on a daily basis), but there’s one thing, one novel thing, that I learned first in that class that I go back to again and again in my non-driving life.
What do you know when someone has their turn signal on?
They have their turn signal on.
Sure, you can combine that fact with other insights to have a strong hypothesis about the other driver, but at the end of the day, that’s all you really know.
They have their turn signal on.
How often do we forget this lesson?
It’s so easy to jump to conclusions based on one piece of information.
Significant other didn’t respond to my message? They must be mad at me.
Teammate didn’t send the status update today? They must be slacking off.
Manager forgot to credit me for the big idea? They must not value my work.
The list goes on and on - we draw conclusions, often strong ones, in the absence of information. We tell ourselves stories about the other person’s intention and motivation, based on a single, often small, datapoint.
If you’re finding yourself in a situation like this - where you recognize that you’re jumping a few steps ahead of the information in front of you, here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
What do I know, really?
Starting with the basic facts is the first step in separating truth from fiction.
Before assuming your manager is ignoring your request, do you know that they actually received it, or is it possible that they didn’t see the message come through? Before assuming the neighbor kid stole your package, do you actually know it was delivered to your porch and not next door?
What other information can I gather?
Before jumping to conclusions, is there more information you can gather to inform your assumptions?
Perhaps your employee missed the mark on a big deliverable. Before putting them on a performance improvement plan, is there a way you can explore where they’re getting stuck? Maybe you came home to a sink full of dirty dishes. Before assuming your teenager is being lazy and inconsiderate, is it possible that the dishwasher was running when they made their snack a few hours ago?
How can I share the story I’m telling myself?
Even when your hypothesis is based on several credible data points, it’s still helpful to vet your assumptions, especially if taking action will impact an important relationship.
Perhaps you’re pretty sure your manager wants you to duplicate your past weekly reports for your new project. Can you validate that assumption with them before you go through the tremendous effort of setting up all the necessary reporting? Maybe you’re hurt that your partner keeps coming home late. Can you share with them that when they’re late, the story you tell yourself is that you’re not their priority?
We all rush to quick judgement on imperfect information. Sometimes it keeps us safe, like stepping back on the curb when we see something out of the corner of our eye that could be a semi speeding by. But other times, it gets us into trouble because the data we have is actually signs of something completely different.
Next time you sense you’re getting ahead of yourself, consider what you really know, what information you can gather, and how you can share your assumptions with someone who knows more about the situation. You may be surprised at what you learn, and the improved actions you can take with that clarity.
What assumption are you making right now, and what do you actually know?
Perhaps that’s an area where you’d like some thought partnership.
You’re here. You want to be there. I can help.
Let’s talk. Book time, and we’ll figure out how to get you unstuck and get going.
How will you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
February 20, 2025
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
Book your free strategy session.
